Sunday, February 1, 2009

It's like a cross between food and bowel surgery!

I'm not impervious to dumb ideas. In fact, a stupid idea gets attempted by me in the kitchen at least every month, and I usually pay for it with dire consequences. This has roots all the way back to my childhood when I tried to make a chocolate chip cookie bundt cake. It tasted like burning and wet cement, but this didn't stop me from hair brained ideas.

Lately, I get stupid ideas by watching old Red Dwarf DVD's. For those who haven't seen, the show is a cult sci-fi / comedy series that ran in the 80's and 90's in the United Kingdom. Usually, the culinary crimes against humanity are invented and perpetrated by Dave Lister, who is a total slob and unfortunately the last human being alive in the universe. Lister's foil, a hologram named Arnold Rimmer, is usually mortified by his terrible food, which is the appropriate response to anything Lister cooks. My first foray into this cooking calamity was months ago, when I made chicken vindaloo and a beer flavored milkshake. To my amazement and horror, I actually enjoyed it. So, when I woke up this morning after a few drinks the evening prior, I figured I'd try and tie on Dave Lister's patented hangover medicine: A fried egg & chutney sandwich with chili sauce.

Now, Dave Lister uses three fried eggs (over easy I would guess) between four thin & untoasted slices of bread. I went with two eggs on two thick toasted slices of some homemade bread I'd made the day before. Personal preference I guess. For the chutney, I went with a really strong garlic chutney, and the chili sauce was Sriracha.

There's the kitty. This is a really tall sandwich, and you'd better eat it with a napkin because yolk & chutney go everywhere.

At first, I kind of liked it. It was full of...flavor. Then, my reaction turned to something similar to Arnold Rimmer's:

"I feel like I'm having a baby!!"

Verdict: food-grade weapon. Never eat unless you're really, really, really hung over and need to reset your gastrointestinal tract.

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